


Bleeding Out

by waterdeer



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: A lil nasty, Apotemnophilia, Depression, Describing amputation, Fluff, It's not sexual, Jamie has a disorder, M/M, Roadhog takin care of Junkrat, mentions of amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 13:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterdeer/pseuds/waterdeer
Summary: Jamie keeps wanting to violently cut his own limbs off. Mako does not approve.





	Bleeding Out

**Author's Note:**

> listen i had to write a thing for my psychology class on a certain disorder and i wrote about apotemnophilia and i thought "hey why not roadrat" bc my teacher plays overwatch too and he knows i lov roadrat........yes i turned this in i hope i get an A fingers crossed boys
> 
> edit: I GOT AN A

The blade was cool against Jamie's skin, and he traced it against the inside of his elbow. He could feel a vein throb under the sharpness, and he knew that if he pressed down harder, the skin would break and the vein would burst, allowing him to saw freely and mercilessly at the joint. But no, Jamie wasn't that stupid. With no torch, the skinny blonde would bleed out, leaving himself unconscious and alone, his limp body lying heavily against the cold cement of the garage. He had learned this the hard way.

It was ironic, really, his prosthetic hand forcing the frigid edge of the knife into the flesh of his—no, not his—this foreign limb. This foreign limb that didn't belong on his body, this limb that he was so goddamn close to cutting off, so close to mutilating just to feel some sort of release that Jamie himself didn't even understand. First his right calf, then his right forearm, and he knew that Mako was going to kill him if he followed through with cutting off his left forearm, but it was so goddamn tempting.

He considered it for a moment; considered bleeding out. Roadhog would find him lying there and take him to Mercy, who he knew he could trust with his life. She'd lay him down on the table and craft another prosthetic arm for him, mirroring the one on the right side of his body. Realistically, he knew he'd be safe. What did he have to lose? Besides his arm and a few quarts of blood.

Junkrat chuckled to himself over his dumb joke, fiddling with the blade still pressed against his skin. He wasn't mentally ill, he kept telling himself. His mental processes were like any other’s, more or less. Angela was baffled by Jamie’s condition, she had told him, and despite being a doctor she had never heard of anything like it. She truly didn’t know how to help him. The process of trying to put Jamie on different medications had failed numerous times, whether it be from Jamie’s lack of an attention span causing him to forget to take the pills or from the medication simply having no effect. He had practically given up at this point, giving in to his most animalistic cravings.

Most people were unsure of how to talk to Jamie after he first cut off his right arm. They looked at him as if he were a different person, speaking to him as if he were a five year old who needed someone to look after him. And maybe he did need someone to look after him, but strangers on the street greeting him with patronizingly high-pitched voices were of no help. “I’m so sorry,” some would say in a hushed whisper, enveloping Junkrat’s flesh hand into their own. “You're so brave, I’m here for you,” others would say. The fact was, Jamie wasn't brave. They weren’t offering help; no, they didn’t care about Jamie at all. They viewed him as someone who was insane enough to cut off his own limb, insane enough to go outside and be comfortable with his body after what he had done. Jamie didn’t need pity. He was a living, breathing human being and he recognized that. Though the blade was still on his skin, Jamie had grown from that place. He didn’t care anymore.

When Jamie first explained to his teammates why his arm was gone, he had come up with an excuse. He worked with bombs all the time, right? Who wouldn’t believe that something went horribly askew, considering the junker’s reckless behavior? The only two that knew, Mako and Angela, held their tongues while Jamie told blatant lies to their teammates. They agreed that Jamie’s privacy was more important than the team knowing the truth.

When Jamie’s leg went, people began to become suspicious. Gossip arose among the team, people exchanging glances as Jamie walked by, Hana going as far as to come up with conspiracy theories on why two of their friend’s limbs were missing. While everyone was concerned about the junker’s health, Ana was the first one to openly question it. Rather than going to the younger junker about it, Ana confronted Mako instead, who reluctantly told her about his partner’s disorder. He figured that lying to Ana would only make things worse, so Mako explained that while they still weren’t quite sure at the time, the label they put on it was Apotemnophilia, a body dysmorphic disorder in which one has the unhealthy desire to cut off their own limbs.

Junkrat frowned at the memory. He didn’t want anyone else taking pity after him once again, but he had an itch that needed to be scratched, a feeling that only cutting off his arm could satisfy. He sighed, slumping against the table, knife still situated on his inner elbow. If he didn't do this, then no one else would. He’d heard of other people who had gone as far as to request doctors to perform the amputation for them in fear of their own safety. Luckily for him, Jamie couldn’t care less about his personal health or safety.

Jamie reflexively bit down on his tongue as the door swung open, cursing loudly before dropping the knife and whipping his head towards the sudden interruption. He could feel the blood pulsing through his veins as he locked eyes with Roadhog. His mask didn't allow Jamie to see the older man’s expression, but that didn't keep Junkrat from being paralyzed with fear, jaw clenched shut. He opened his mouth to say something, but Mako held a hand up to silence him.

“... Don’t need to defend yourself. I understand,” Mako started. Junkrat released a gush of air from his lungs, suddenly feeling much more relieved. “Let’s get your mind off this.”

Before Jamie knew what was happening, he was being slung over the older man’s shoulder, his chest roughly colliding with Mako’s back. Junkrat struggled, yet to no avail. Roadhog could break the smaller man in half if he wanted to, and easily held him in place.

“Oi!” Junkrat practically yelled, trying to worm his way out of Mako’s grip as he opened the door and slammed it behind him, carrying the young junker to the living room. “Th’ hell are you doin’, mate?! I’ll blow you up, I’ll–”

Junkrat let out another rush of air as Mako tossed him onto the couch, sitting down beside him. Jamie huffed and crossed his arms, eyes drifting to the television; Roadhog had been nice enough to turn it on to his favorite channel. The two shared a comforting silence and Mako turned to look at his partner, absolutely fixated on the stupid show they were watching. This seemed to keep Jamie stable. Distracting him with things he liked to do; namely, being a lazy piece of garbage and blowing up stuff. While he knew that Jamie’s disorder wouldn't ever be completely erased, he hoped that spending more time with the younger boy would distract him from his toxic thoughts of self-amputation, that maybe Jamie could be happy enough to not have those urges as often. 

**_transition to a week later or something_ **

Junkrat butted his head into Roadhog affectionately, eliciting a grunt from the older man.

“What,” Mako said, more of a statement than anything.

“You make me happy, mate,” Jamie started, grinning ear to ear. “‘m glad you’re spendin’ time with me.”

Mako grunted in response, appreciating the sentiment nonetheless.

“I’m not as bad as I was b’fore– mentally ‘n’ all that, I mean.” Roadhog let Jamie talk himself out, figuring that he didn't need a response. Junkrat smiled widely again, pausing for a moment before saying anything else. “Maybe I’m just hooked on you, mate!”

 (you're welcome for the bad pun i'll be here all week i accept cash and paypal thank you) 

**Author's Note:**

> if u liked this fic come b my friend!!!! junkratchet.tumblr.com


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